I’ve lost 2 1/2 pounds since sunday. I’m not doing it in a particularly healthy way I must admit. I wouldn’t call it an eating disorder per se. I mean, I am eating and I’m not purging. I am however taking stackers after I put anything with more than 50 calories into my body. And I’m drinking loads of green tea to clean my system out. Come pay day I’m tempted to get a box of laxatives. Honestly, I’m running myself ragged. But, 2 1/2 pounds is promising. And it promises to be more promising if I keep it up.

I’m not unattractive. And I’m not that fat. But I could stand to lose a good 5, 10, 50 pounds. I know, unrealistic body goals blah blah blah. Spare me the lecture, I get it. I’m not healthy right now. And mentally as well as physically. But, I’m sick of looking fat at a size 10 around all my size 5 and below friends. 10 is really not that bad of a size. But it is when EVERYONE you know is a fucking stick. Because when your the size 10 in a group of size 5s, you’re HUGE. I’ve done well though, this time last year I was a 14 and the fall before that I was an 18. So, I’m getting there. But, not fast enough. And that’s why I’m doing this to myself. I’m moving in a few months which means I get a fresh start. I’ve always been the chubby girl. I don’t want to be the chubby girl. Which means, I want to lose at least 20 preferably 30 pounds in the next 2 months. Quite the feat I know. But, I can do it. I will do it. I have to do it.

I’m taking Paul (my friend who is totally gorgeous, totally the nicest person ever, and totally a 24 year old virgin by CHOICE) out for a birthday dinner this weekend. We’re going to a little Moroccan place that I love. But, it’s a 7 course meal and there’s no getting out of that. Luckily, I’ll be with someone who I feel totally comfortable around so I won’t get all weird about food and shit like I do around a lot of people.

 

I wonder if I can lose like 5 pounds by then?

 

Scratch that, I WILL lose 5 pounds by then.