Sometimes I think I should quite like to be an addict. It just seems easy and with the right drug, it gives you a feeling of being terribly glamorous. Cocaine is my drug of choice and I know that I’ve never felt quite the same level of classy as I do when I’ve got a $100 bill up my nose. At the moment, besides pot, the only drug I’m frequenting is diet pills. Mostly as directed but when I’m anxious or otherwise upset, I feel the urge to take lots of them. Such as today, after I talked to my dad.

He knows I’m visiting and I feel obligated to see him while I’m here. Not that I don’t love him, I do. I just don’t like him all that much. Or at all really.

But, he called me tonight to make plans. At least he’s making that effort. I was content just talking about it. So he called me and suggested we go to lunch. I was shooting for coffee, coffee doesn’t last as long. But, I suppose he is driving 30 minutes to see me so I can at least give him an hour of my time. The problem is, we have virtually nothing to talk about. We know the basics of each other’s lives and that’s all either of us cares to know.

I don’t much care for his wife and she doesn’t much care for me and so I have little desire to hear about his family considering they’re my family and I am constantly denied a chance to know them. He despises my mother so I don’t bring her up much. I hate when he goes on tangents about her. And I wish to protect my brother from him at all costs. He’s innocent and not yet tainted by the poison of being too involved with our father. I want him to stay that way. Although his own relationship with him is undoubtedly it’s own kind of poison.

Friday I hung out with Blake, his boyfriend, and Wayne. Blake’s boyfriend treated us all to a pretty decent amount of coke making for a kickass start of the weekend. There’s this beauty in coke that I can’t even begin to describe. This feeling of being just up and happy and almost like you can do anything. And that numbing not only of the gums but of everything bad. As is usually the case, I felt a bit uncomfortable in my own skin but that’s what happens when I get jacked up. The come down wasn’t bad, we watched south park and we had smoked some rez so we passed out pretty much as soon as we started to come down.

On Saturday, Wayne had to take me home at like 7 because he was going to the beach and I had to be home for lunch with Jen. Honestly, after being friends with her for 5 years or so, I still don’t know how I feel about Jen. I think she thinks she’s better than us now because she doesn’t do drugs anymore. But she really has a lot to do with the fact that any of us started. She was the first to smoke, the first to suggest coke, and the first to start popping pills. But now, because her boyfriend thinks drugs are stupid, she’s too good for us and our pot smoking. Not to mention, she’s tends to be a bit immature a lot of the time. I guess it could have something to do with the fact that she’s a bit younger but still.

Anyway, due to the fact that we never see each other anymore, we tend to actually enjoy each other when we do get together and Saturday was no exception. We walked around the neighborhood for a good 2 hours and went to the adult store so that she could finally join the masturbation club. For such a slut, she’s kind of a prude honestly.

Saturday evening was spent at a baseball game with the family which was a nice change of pace. It then of course went back to normal when Wayne got back from the beach and we headed over to Blake’s since we’re “house sitting” for him this weekend. Kali came over and a few blunts were smoked before the night before caught up with us and we just passed the fuck out.

 

Sunday was boring, chilled at home and then went back to Blake’s where some pot was smoked and some sleep was had. Now it’s monday and I’m sitting in the office exhausted. Weeds is on tonight and we’re watching at Blake’s. Lord know’s what’s in store.